Inspiration from the Undelivered Letter

I was so busy after I came back to Taiwan that I didn't even have time to unpack my luggage until recently. I was quite down too. I happened to come across this letter I wrote during my summer vacation for my friend. My grandpa passed away too suddenly that I couldn't get to deliver it. I read the letter again. It inspires me somehow. So here goes the letter:

Dear Stella

I'm really glad to receive your letter, seeing your spiritual growth. My dad read the letter too! He said that he had forgotten what he told you the other day, yet you etched his words deeply in your heart. :) Stella! It's my honour to have such friend!

You told me about the tribulation you encountered the other day. I've been thinking about it. Yea, life is a long run. It's really inevitable to encounter situations that we abhor, especially with different kinds of people around us. I had undergone similar experiences too. :) I believe that you have the potential to overcome it.

Yes, I understand how it feels like when people around you care for themselves -- what we called "selfish". Loneliness gutted my heart and eventually, I began to indulge in self-pity. The "angel" and "devil" struck a battle.

"Hey! They're so brusque... Caustic! They hurt me!" claimed the devil.

"Come on! No one is perfect. I've shortcomings too", argued the angel.

"They threw tantrum as they want! They only talked to me when they need me! What a bunch of ingrates!" the devil convinced.

"No one wants to be unhappy! Why am I destructing my own happiness with anger? Chill!"

The battle went on and on. The devil wanted to persuade me that I'm right to feel sorry for myself, whereas the angel was refraining me from plunging deeply into the mere. Most of the time, devil's standpoint sounds mellifluous to ears. Despite being bombarded by the devil for umpteenth time, the angel refused to surrender. Finally, it got the most powerful weapon.

"Try to think about somebody in my life, who never gives up on me. Somebody who is willing to accept me for who I am, like the most precious jewel on Earth, even though I labelled myself as "incorrigible". Somebody whi us willing to give me happiness, despite being hurt by me for countless times."

It was so rhetoric! The afflictions soon melted and sublime. Of course, the angel triumph over the devil! All these internal conflicts were tiring, but worthy! :D

There is always "somebody" in my life, imbue with wisdom and compassion, who cares for me at all times. He gives me courage to face adversity, the wisdom to overcome hurdle. He's my spiritual teacher-- The Buddha. :)

He pointed out the values in me which I never realized. I began to realize these values in myself. Upon these realizations, I believe that I can see the values of others as well. I began to realize that all my inner destructions are caused by my wrong reactions. I found myself silly at times! Why am I torturing myself with unnecessary anger? Don't I want to me happy?

It's really not easy to seek for their merits at first. It's like sniffing a pile of garbage, hypnotizing my self that "it smells great". I'm just lying to myself. I had been through a tiring stage of observations, trying to find flowers and diamonds in them. This is especially challenging when I'm deluded by their shortcomings. Throughout the process, I did find gems in them, but not all yet!

I happened to learn that things weren't as bad as I imagined. I took initiative to show concern for them as how my spiritual teacher care for me. Perhaps some of their responses might be indifferent or discouraging, but I believe that my spiritual teacher is right by my side, giving me his fullest support. These people are blessings in disguise! They gave me an opportunity to relinquish my negative feelings, vanquishing the demons in my heart, most importantly, to be a step closer to my spiritual teacher. Aren't they great? They broaden my mind! Good qualites are inculcated throughout the journey. Shouldn't I be grateful and treat them much sincerely than before? :) I believe in Karma, I believe that they are my mirror. A change of thought changes the whole senario.

Along the journey, I found awesome people around me. They possess good qualites which I can learn from them with humility and deserve respect. I do feel honoured to have wonderful people around me. You are wonderful too, Stella! :D They are human beings, just like me. They are sentient beings, they want happiness too.

Thank you so much for your patience for reading such lengthy letter. Those are just my little experience in life. I'm sharing them with you because I believe that you have the potential to share your affections with people around you. You have the right to be happy. I believe that you can overcome all the loneliness and sorrow. Most importantly, I'll send you my best regards. Buddha loves you, like He loves anyone else. His love is unconditional and eternal. He loves you as though you are His only child. :)

Anyway, I come across this quote today. The quote which I copied three years ago and I don't remember the source of the quote:

"Effort is in the way of the world. So long as I'm in this world with an ounce of strength left, I will try and try, even in mid-ocean with no shore can be seen."

Isn't it encouraging? I love this quote. It gives me motivation. All the best in embracing your dream. Don't worry about taking a longer path than others to reach your destiny. Enjoy the scenary along the journey. Believe that there is no such thing as failure. Every "failure" are actually milestone that takes you a step closer to success! Do something that you never regret when you look back your life.

No matter where I am, we're always friends. You are not alone! Most importantly, thank you so much for supporting me and keeping my secret for me. :)

Take care and stay happy always.

The most sincere regards

Miss Thousand

19 August 2011

Thank You Randy Pausch

I finally settled down and listen to Randy Pausch’s “The Last Lecture”. Yu Xuan introduced me the book but I didn’t really read it, until recently, I have starting doing my English project. The head fake is more important then succeeding. Here are some quotes by Randy that inspired me. (:

“It’s not about how to achieve your dreams. It’s about how to lead your life. If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you.”

"The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out; the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. The brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough. They are there to stop the other people!"

“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand. If I don't seem as depressed or morose as I should be, I'm sorry to disappoint you.”

“Have something to bring to the table, because that will make you more welcomed.”

“When you see yourself doing
something badly and nobody’s bothering to tell you anymore, that’s a very bad place to be. Your
critics are your ones telling you they still love you and care.”

“experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.”

“Wait long enough and people will surprise and impress you.”

“It's very important to know when you're in a pissing match. And it's very important to get out of it as quickly as possible.”

“when you’re pissed off at somebody and you’re
angry at them, you just haven’t given them enough time. Just give them a little more time and they’ll almost always impress you.”

“If you’re going to do anything that pioneering you will get those arrows in the back, and you just have to put up with it. I mean everything that could go wrong did go wrong. But at the end of the day, a whole lot of people had a whole lot of fun. When you’ve had something for ten years that you hold so precious, it’s the toughest thing in the world to hand it over. And the only advice I can give you is, find somebody better than you to hand it to.”

“The best way to teach somebody something is to have them think they're learning something else.”

“it’s such a shame that people perceive you as so arrogant. Because it’s going to limit what you’re going to be able to accomplish in life.”

“How do you get people to help you? You can’t get there alone. People have to help you and I do believe in karma. I believe in paybacks. You get people to help you by telling the truth. Being earnest. I’ll take an earnest person over a hip person every day, because hip is short term. Earnest is long term.”

“Apologize when you screw up and focus on other people, not on yourself.”

“Get a feedback loop and listen to it. Your feedback loop can be this dorky spreadsheet thing I did, or it can just be one great man who tells you what you need to hear. The hard part is the listening to it.”

“When people give you feedback, cherish it and use it.”

“Show gratitude.”

“Don’t complain. Just work harder.”

“Be good at something, it makes you valuable.”

“Work hard.”

“Find the best in everybody.”

“You have to wait a long time, sometimes years, but people will show you their good side. Just keep waiting no matter how long it takes. No one is all evil. Everybody has a good side, just keep waiting, it will come out.”

“Never lose the child-like wonder. It's just too important. It's what drives us.”

“You get people to help you by telling the truth; by being earnest. I'll take an earnest person over a hip person every day, because hip is short-term, earnest is long term.”

“And be prepared. Luck is truly where preparation meets opportunity.”

“Do not tell people how to live their lives. Just tell them stories. And they will figure out how those stories apply to them.”

“Treat the Disease, Not the Symptom.”

All these quotes sounds simple, but they didn’t come by so easily. These were lessons learnt from Randy’s life experience.

Creations

Most college students in Taiwan are having their midterm exams these days. I miss those days back in BWEP, where we all study together and held everyone hand in hand along the way, vanquishing all the barriers we encounter together. We pray together before the exams, during the exams. Everything is so different outside. It’s time to create the atmosphere.

吃飯 感恩

在外面過日子，三餐能夠填飽肚子就好了～真感謝園區廚房的老師，也很想念媽媽．．．有他們在，三餐不用苦惱要吃些什麼．這段日子，我很感謝胡純老師常常想著我，很多乾糧都是她幫我準備好．當我不想吃外面的，至少家裡有東西可以煮．自從秀鳳老師住進來以後，她煮了很好吃的火鍋，冰箱裡也多了很多菜！也很感謝奕萱老師煮湯給我喝！還有其他室友們買卡帛麵包或 o'life 時，也會想到要幫我買一份！

送你燦爛的微笑

我有好幾天沒打電話回家了。相信爸爸媽媽一定很牽掛！我也很牽掛著他們。我真的很想念爸爸媽媽。（當妹妹聽到這句話，她一定會很高興！）我想告訴爸爸媽媽：別擔心我。我想要送爸爸媽媽一副溫暖的笑容、燦爛的笑容。這燦爛的笑容背後涵蓋著對他們的感恩，還有我想送給他們這份溫暖的回饋。師父一直在我心中綻放出溫婉的笑意，充滿圓滿的慈悲與智慧。我想把心中的那一份愉悅送給爸爸媽媽，希望他們天天快樂，希望他們可以安安心心的過日子。

師父：請您幫我把這副笑容寄給爸爸媽媽。

爸爸媽媽：您收到了嗎？

這是省思嗎？

昨晚，我做了一場夢。這場夢或許聽起來很不吉祥，或許只是一場夢，可是對我的生命而言，它是個醒鐘…

在夢裡，我哥哥的一位同行善友很意外的往生了…在現實生活中的不久以前，我才剛抱怨他。（在夢裡我當然虛實部分啦！）當時我感到非常的慌張。我不曉得他接下來會到什麼地方。很多人都很想念他。他的facebook的帳號還存在，可是已經毫無動靜了，上面再也沒有新增的觀功念恩、智慧小語了。很多人都在等待著奇蹟，不願相信他已經不在了。可是人已經走了，那些東西是不能一起帶走的。一直到我去弔唁，我才相信。同時，我也很莫名其妙地告知我是在場中下一個會死掉的人。他說，他無法告訴我那是什麼時候會發生的事。

夢中的當下，我腦海中現起曾玉芬師姐──生死無懼──在病重的狀態下，仍然毫無畏懼，不斷的去行善，種下正因，毫無怨言……我有本事做到嗎？「生死無懼，你與我們在一起。」我相信嗎？

在得知自己不久以後快死亡的消息後，很多逆境接二連三的發生。（自從我正式上大學以後，我再也沒有遇到再強大的苦境了！）種種苦頭一時之間擺在我眼前──跟爸爸媽媽起大衝突、兄弟姊妹之間起忌妒比較的心、被老師大聲辱罵、被同學潑冷水、起爭執、以前種種的用心被否定，被誤會，被批評等……當下苦嗎？當然苦！

孤獨的靈魂，可曾聽見那深情的呼喚？苦澀的夜晚，可曾發覺那永恆的陪伴？很特別的是，在遇到種種逆境過程中，在孤單絕望的心境下，如英法師的法音偶然在我耳畔響起。「你喜歡自己嗎？」欸？對了！死的那一刻，我還是得陪伴著自己。我最好在死亡之前好好檢討這個問題！最起碼，我在這最後幾天可以走得輕鬆一點！

在現實生活中，我常常活在別人的想法裡，別人的掌聲裡。說我的笑容很有自信嗎？當我開始被人否定時，當別人指出我無法面對的缺點時，我常常開始慌亂，常常會想辦法急著想要改。當我沒有聽到屬於我的掌聲時，我會開始懷疑自己：有是不是哪裡做不好嗎？我的自信都是建立在這些外在的東西上。在夢境中當然更是如此。

回到當時的夢境，在每一個時刻，我的心居然現起：這是我開始改變的起點。這是在我遇到困難中學習去發現自己身上的美的時刻。這是我學習區放下我心中的大石頭的時刻。這是我在死亡之前為我的信心找穩當出路的時刻。法師的聲音再次在我耳畔中響起：「人的信心從何而來？從智慧中觀察出來。」

一次又一次遭遇自己不喜歡，不願意去面對的境界：自己明明很努力，爸爸媽媽大聲喝責我，說我沒進步；我耍賴了，不想為爸爸慶生；爸爸嚴厲阻擋我追尋遠大的夢想；老師在未了解事情緣起的狀況下指責我；身體不舒服，跟同學合作是配合得不好，便下結論說我什麼都不會；當我想伸出援手時，被人拒絕；我無緣無故被臭罵一頓；大家說我愛找藉口…看起來似乎很委屈，可是這是考驗我到底喜不喜歡自己的時候。原本這些境界以往會打擊我對自己的信心，不過，在此時此刻，我看到一道光芒。一個情切，和藹可親，面善的人突然出現在我面前。他那溫婉的笑意似乎融化了我心中的種種冰冷、憂傷、絕望…他跟我說：「這個是你在遇到困難中學習去看到希望希望的最佳時刻！」他的笑容非常燦爛！他笑起來比我還有信心，他相信我可以跨得過去。那時，我立刻破涕為笑！

這一生結束後，還有下一生。在這一生結束前可以突破這些真是太殊勝了！在漫長的人生中，我慢慢調適我的步調，希望越走心情也輕鬆。

再換了一個畫面…在那個地方，我遇到我這一生中曾經遇過的人。我的家人、親戚、朋友等都在場。那時，我變得跟珍惜和他們相處的日子，沒有什麼好抱怨，沒有什麼好討厭得了。在每做一件事情的當下，我會問問自己，我死亡的那一刻，我會滿意嗎？

回饋這場夢：真是太驚人了！在夢中我居然能想起如英法是昨晚演講的內容。不管這場夢是真是假，不管我想不相信這場夢，最珍貴的是：我在這場夢中有學到法。這或許是師父要透過這場夢傳達給我的訊息。

法師演講回饋：哇！我終於了解到對自己有信心是在修依止法。發現外在的美是從發現自己心中的美開始的。而自己身上的美，心中的美是師父栽培的！我常常在忙，給自己高標準去忙，常常忙得很喘，對自己的成果沒有很滿意。可是聽到別人的讚賞，心裡頭好舒服。別人否定我，我跟是自責。其實，我沒想到否定我的人是自己！

我常常鼓勵別人要看自己的努力，自己的堅持，收穫歡喜心。可是我往往忘記了自己，忘記那顆需要被滋潤的心。我今天還能活著，大概是在我忽略那顆心，忘記要照顧它的時候，很多人都在幫我照顧它。很謝謝大家！

「把自己調整好，再幫助別人，說的話才是發自於內心。」「把愉悅的心放出光芒，給別人帶來希望！」讚!其實…等等！我覺得在某些程度上袁千詠是有自信的，沒有自己說的那麼悽慘！因為我很隨喜自己身上有師父送我的這個。單憑這個，我可以輕鬆自在的在路上行走，不太需要打扮。同學說我的微笑很燦爛，雖然我笑起來沒有師父、法王、法師們、學長們、郭主任等燦爛，但我敢保證說，我的笑容來自於師父所給我的寶！這寶包含所有一切！對於自己的缺點哩，我就要學習歡喜自在地接受！

我好久沒有在校園裡聽法師開示了！我真的很懷念。法師說的話讓我想起如願法師。他常常說：「學會了就是以百分！」還有緣路法師常常說：「最重要的是在過程中有沒有造善業。」好想念，好懷念！還有很多很多……昨天，真的非常珍貴。

I love Steve Jobs

I think Steve Jobs is some sages in disguise, even though he started up an Apple Company instead of going around preaching people. He taught us the value of life through his own experience!

“Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

“The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything.”

“I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

“No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.”

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Even though Steve Jobs never graduated from college, he managed to succeed and come out with inspiring reflections of his own life. Every adversity we encounter in our lives are actually our turning point, a jumping board to succeed! Thank you so much Mr Jobs!