It's the Heart that's beautiful

Hi Guys! I went back to Punggol Primary School today, and I encountered something heartwarming today. 

So check it out, and guess who's the one who inspires me today! :D

Yeah, A Great Chance to Let Go!

"Shut up! F*ck you!" This was how he responded when I asked him if he was okay.

It’s a great opportunity for me to let go.

I have committed to myself that I am not going to interact with him for the next half year, unless he encounters any life threats, or he is totally being left alone. But of course I don’t hope such "doom" would ever strike him. It’s a good time to keep my mind clear when I stay away from him.Our relationship has always been complicated at my side. I’m not sure about his side. Perhaps I have been thinking too much all along.

I used to rely on him, telling all the doubts that were bothering me, to seek for his concern and protection. Thinking back, that sounds pretty childish of me. I used to feel secure when I was by his side. He seemed showering me with much care. And you know what? I know nuts about him. I was just deceived by my emotions. But anyway, we enjoyed hanging around with each other. It lasted for two and a half year, and our relationship went downhill.

I turned out looking annoying to him. He stopped responding to me, because I was unaware how busy he was. So my messages were spams to him. One day a fervent quarrel occurred because I could no longer tolerate his indifferent attitude. "Who needs your company?!" I yelled at him harshly when he told me that he had no time for me last summer. I didn't mean it. And our cold war began.

We didn't had proper talk for eight months. Even if we’re in the same chat room, or we saw each other face to face, neither did we talk to each other, nor showing any interest in the topic we initiate in a group conversation. We became each other’s wet blanket. Eventually, we stopped talking to each other. I had lost my courage to talk to him.

I tried erasing him from my life. I kept myself busy, trying not to think about those hurting moments. Sometimes I thought that they were no longer bothering me. But I was wrong. I was just concealing the wounds, not healing them. After so long, I realized that I was still checking on him.

I was wondering if I should break the ice. By any chance, I hope that we can reconcile once more. I took courage to text him, asked about him. Gradually, we talked a little bit more. But I would stop at certain point, because the phobia in the past reminded me that: the more I talk, we would lost each other again. We had dinner together on the valentine’s day, the day before I left Singapore. It was impromptu, it was a coincident. It was not meant to be romantic, but we had a wonderful chat that night, recalling the memories we shared.

But soon after I was back in Taiwan, we became strangers again. I attempted to initiate conversation with him a couple of times, but those attempts seemed to turn out as big disappointments. But on certain occassions, he did respond.

During this half year, he has changed drastically. Many people commented that he has changed a lot, but not for the good. Oh yes, I forgot to mention about two other friends. Four of us used to be best buddies, but now we are no longer a clique. I still stay in touch with the other two, and I am now totally fine with them. Now two of them are keeping distance away from him. He is currently being discriminated by them. Sometimes I feel pretty bad for him them, that I tried approaching him.

Yes, I met up with him once this summer, with my younger sister tagging along. He really changed, but still acceptable, I thought. Maybe I wasn't that sensitive enough, that I mention sometime that triggered him to recalled the painful past that he wants to forget. Maybe he felt that he was left out by the three of us, because it seemed that I initiate the meeting with the four, he was quite passionate about it. But two of them weren't that willing to meet up, and it ended up the rest two and I had an impromptu meeting to work on the videos on the date when he wanted to meet us on. We didn't mean to leave him out, but his mum happened to see us.

He posted depressing status on two consecutive days, mentioning that how he wish his life could end. I was really concerned about him, and I sincerely asked him if he is okay. I got two responses from him. "Don’t ask" "Shut  up! F**k you!" Damn! These are what I get from him.

I broke into rage at first. I wanted to initiate another cold war. But my sister reminded me that he is in a great pain right now. I should be steady, and shouldn't go up and down with his emotions. My sister was right. I am no longer burning in anger.

I am still in the process of cooling down. At least I don’t hate him, and I am still grateful for all those helps he once offered me. Perhaps leaving him alone is the best way to repay his kindness for now.

Do you have such an experience that someone is always so enthusiastic about talking to you, hanging around with you, but you are not passionate about it at all, and sometimes you secretly feel that he or she is disturbing, and better not come and talk to you. This is bad. I have such experience too. So, yeah, maybe I am the one who is playing the irritating role in his life. So I should leave him alone. Thank you, and goodbye!