It's the Heart that's beautiful

Hi Guys! I went back to Punggol Primary School today, and I encountered something heartwarming today. 

So check it out, and guess who's the one who inspires me today! :D

Yeah, A Great Chance to Let Go!

"Shut up! F*ck you!" This was how he responded when I asked him if he was okay.

It’s a great opportunity for me to let go.

I have committed to myself that I am not going to interact with him for the next half year, unless he encounters any life threats, or he is totally being left alone. But of course I don’t hope such "doom" would ever strike him. It’s a good time to keep my mind clear when I stay away from him.Our relationship has always been complicated at my side. I’m not sure about his side. Perhaps I have been thinking too much all along.

I used to rely on him, telling all the doubts that were bothering me, to seek for his concern and protection. Thinking back, that sounds pretty childish of me. I used to feel secure when I was by his side. He seemed showering me with much care. And you know what? I know nuts about him. I was just deceived by my emotions. But anyway, we enjoyed hanging around with each other. It lasted for two and a half year, and our relationship went downhill.

I turned out looking annoying to him. He stopped responding to me, because I was unaware how busy he was. So my messages were spams to him. One day a fervent quarrel occurred because I could no longer tolerate his indifferent attitude. "Who needs your company?!" I yelled at him harshly when he told me that he had no time for me last summer. I didn't mean it. And our cold war began.

We didn't had proper talk for eight months. Even if we’re in the same chat room, or we saw each other face to face, neither did we talk to each other, nor showing any interest in the topic we initiate in a group conversation. We became each other’s wet blanket. Eventually, we stopped talking to each other. I had lost my courage to talk to him.

I tried erasing him from my life. I kept myself busy, trying not to think about those hurting moments. Sometimes I thought that they were no longer bothering me. But I was wrong. I was just concealing the wounds, not healing them. After so long, I realized that I was still checking on him.

I was wondering if I should break the ice. By any chance, I hope that we can reconcile once more. I took courage to text him, asked about him. Gradually, we talked a little bit more. But I would stop at certain point, because the phobia in the past reminded me that: the more I talk, we would lost each other again. We had dinner together on the valentine’s day, the day before I left Singapore. It was impromptu, it was a coincident. It was not meant to be romantic, but we had a wonderful chat that night, recalling the memories we shared.

But soon after I was back in Taiwan, we became strangers again. I attempted to initiate conversation with him a couple of times, but those attempts seemed to turn out as big disappointments. But on certain occassions, he did respond.

During this half year, he has changed drastically. Many people commented that he has changed a lot, but not for the good. Oh yes, I forgot to mention about two other friends. Four of us used to be best buddies, but now we are no longer a clique. I still stay in touch with the other two, and I am now totally fine with them. Now two of them are keeping distance away from him. He is currently being discriminated by them. Sometimes I feel pretty bad for him them, that I tried approaching him.

Yes, I met up with him once this summer, with my younger sister tagging along. He really changed, but still acceptable, I thought. Maybe I wasn't that sensitive enough, that I mention sometime that triggered him to recalled the painful past that he wants to forget. Maybe he felt that he was left out by the three of us, because it seemed that I initiate the meeting with the four, he was quite passionate about it. But two of them weren't that willing to meet up, and it ended up the rest two and I had an impromptu meeting to work on the videos on the date when he wanted to meet us on. We didn't mean to leave him out, but his mum happened to see us.

He posted depressing status on two consecutive days, mentioning that how he wish his life could end. I was really concerned about him, and I sincerely asked him if he is okay. I got two responses from him. "Don’t ask" "Shut  up! F**k you!" Damn! These are what I get from him.

I broke into rage at first. I wanted to initiate another cold war. But my sister reminded me that he is in a great pain right now. I should be steady, and shouldn't go up and down with his emotions. My sister was right. I am no longer burning in anger.

I am still in the process of cooling down. At least I don’t hate him, and I am still grateful for all those helps he once offered me. Perhaps leaving him alone is the best way to repay his kindness for now.

Do you have such an experience that someone is always so enthusiastic about talking to you, hanging around with you, but you are not passionate about it at all, and sometimes you secretly feel that he or she is disturbing, and better not come and talk to you. This is bad. I have such experience too. So, yeah, maybe I am the one who is playing the irritating role in his life. So I should leave him alone. Thank you, and goodbye!

Good Leader

Seriously, I am really impressed by what I had written 7 years ago. I was only sixteen, and I blogged about elements of a good leader.

Saturday, March 31, 2007
Good Leader

Counting down: 17 days to SYF Central Judging for Chinese Dance & Chinese Oratorical Contest Final, 24 days to SYF Central Judging for International Dance and MY BIRTHDAY!!!

This is my second post. Continue with the previous post tiny words... ...

Sometimes, people usually pin-points at others. I'm neutral. I side neither of the three parties. But I had a clear view of what had gone wrong. But the people involved don't really realise the greatest mistake. I wonder why people don't put themselves in one anothers' shoes? So that they will understand how the other parties feel?

I feel like doing something to better the situation. But I don't want to get myself involved into the situation. It will worsen everything. I am not a good conflict manager or peace trooper.

What is self reflection? Not staring at the mirror and admiring how on the own looks... Neither staring at the reflection in the clear water of toilet bowl... Well, one should calm down and relax and forget about others' mistakes. One should recalled the incident and wonder what mistake she had done and change the attitude. Not pushing all the blame to others thinking that she is right all along. No one is perfect! If everyone is perfect, the world shall be peace. And self reflection is thinking through what went wrong with herself, but not waiting others to tell her directly to her face. Being too frank will hurt others. She may find someone to guide her along her reflection.

Firstly, what does a good leader mean?

Well, a good leader shouldn't be demanding or always scold people. Well, respect the others' rights. Put herself in the others' shoes. Think how they feel before she makes her move. Not all the people will understand her purpose. Scolding everybody all the times is not a right way to make the team improve. At the end of the day, people won't apprecaite it and condem her. They would think that she is unreasonable and disliked her. She will gain no respect from them.

A good leader should not climb on top of her own leader's head. A good leader must show a good example to her teamates. She must respect her leader's decision, be it she likes it or not, she should not show her objection in front of her teamates. She should also respect people who are senior to her even if they do not have any position. No matter what, they are still older than her. Respecting the others is very important.

A good leader should not think highly upon herself. Humility is very important. Others' rights and decision should be respected. Her authorities should not be abused. When people disobey her, she should think through what had gone wrong? Is her method of commanding wrong? Do the others like her idea? She should accept the feedback from the teamates. She should learn how to accept help from the others.

A good leader must be understanding and compassionate -- showering the teamates with affection, care and concern. Not being too fierce. A good leader should not scold her teamates immediately if she sees someone not progressing well. She must approach her teamates in a caring tone. But must truly from her heart. She shouldn't be sarcastic when people make mistakes. Hey, I make mistakes too, I doubt you don't!

A good leader must be firm but not in those demanding tone. People don't like it. It hurts their ears. Be firm so that people wouldn't climb on top of her. Being strict is important but must be flexible sometimes. At least people would not feel tensed up.

A good leader must take initiative and be responsible. She should not push all the blames on her teamates. She should identify the problem and get the right person to solve it.

A good leader must be patient. Even though her skill is good and more experienced than the others, she should guide the others patiently. Not everyone is fast learner.

A good leader must be motivating, convincing and enthusiastic. These would influence the others to be passionate with their mission. Encourage them to perservere when they attempt to give up.

All those elements mentioned are essentials of a good leader. At the end of the day, the teamates will respect her and obey her. There would not be any hatred. Everyone would be more cooperative and passionate. Considering about others' feelings is important!

Have I missed out anything? Are those mentioned agreeable? Feedback please!

King Longevity (English summarized version of 《長壽王》)

Endless eons ago, there lived a King called Longevity. He had a son, named Price Immortal. King Longevity ruled his country with perfect righteous. During his reign, the people lived happily.

Comparatively, the King of the neighboring country was ferocious and greedy. Everyone was afraid of him. King Greedy was his name. Seeing the prosperity of Kingdom of Longevity, King Greedy decided to conquer it.

Knowing his plot, King Longevity told his ministers, "Let him have the Kingdom, since he wants it so badly. Do not fight, so no one will be injured or killed."

Hence, King Longevity brought Prince Immortal along, and hid deep in the mountains.

King Greedy seized the Kingdom of Longevity, and announced "Whoever find King Longevity shall be rewarded with ten thousand ounce of golds!"

One day, a Brahmin caught the sight of King Longevity. He took him to King Greedy. King Greedy was overjoyed, and rewarded him with ten thousand ounce of golds. King Longevity was tied onto the scaffold, and prepared to be burnt.

Prince Immortal heard about it, and he disguised himself as a woodcutter. Beholding his son in the crowd, King Longevity raised his voice, "My son! Do not take revenge! Do not harm any life. If you do, it would be the greatest impiety! Be compassionate, it's most auspicious!"

Prince Immortal couldn't bear to witness his father's death, so he left. He was extremely upset, he had an urge to take revenge. He went to Kingdom of Greed as a farmer, and served the people. One day, King Greedy bypassed the farm, and asked the steward, "Who is the green finger of the farm?"

The steward brought Prince Immortal to the King. Having many talents, King Greedy was fond of him, and asked, "Do you know martial arts?", as King Longevity was killed, King Greedy was fearful that Prince Immortal might take revenge. Prince Immortal replied, "Yes!" King Greedy was rejoiced, and asked him to be his bodyguard. (The real identity of Price Immortal was undiscovered.)

One day, they went out hunting in the woods, and they lost their way. After three days, hungry and tired, King Greedy passed his sword over to Prince Immortal and fell asleep.

When Prince Immortal was about to slash King Greedy as he raised the sword, he thought of his father's words, "Don't take revenge! Be compassionate, it's most auspicious." So he put away the sword. King Greedy woke up, and said, "I had a nightmare! Prince Immortal is going to kill me!" Prince Immortal comforted, "It's the mountain deities that are frightening you! I am here to protect you!"

King Greedy went back to sleep. Prince Immortal raised the sword again. As he was about to slash the King, he thought of his father's reminder, "Don't take revenge! Be compassionate, it's most auspicious!" So he kept the sword again. King Greedy awoke, and said, "Prince Immortal is going to kill me, again! But he put the sword away, again!" Prince Immortal assured, "No, he won't! I am here to protect you!"

King Greedy fell into slumber again. This was the third time Prince Immortal raised the sword, and when he was about to slash, he thought of his father's word clearly in his mind. He made up his mind, he is not going to kill King Greedy, he no longer wants to take revenge. So he kept the put away the sword.

King Greedy woke up again, and said, "I had a dream again, Prince Immortal raised the sword and was going to kill me, but he decided not to kill me anymore!" Prince Immortal replied, "I am Prince Immortal! I want to obey my father's words -- Don't take revenge! Be compassionate, it's most auspicious! I have to follow his words!" He continued, "I know the way out, I always wanted to take revenge! Now, I shall take you back to palace."

After they returned, King Greedy gathered everyone, and announced, "This is Prince Immortal! He listens to his father's precepts, and decided not to take revenge, decided not to kill me. I shall return Kingdom of Longevity to him!" King Greedy lead his troop back to his own country.

Mother Love

I made a big mistake last night. And it wasn't the first time.

I was rude to Mum again. We were on the phone. Yes, overseas call. She was telling me about her worries. She mentioned certain books she read that inspired her that we should stop talking bad about Dad at his back, at the mean time we should appreciate him in order to overturn our fate. Yes, I agree with my mum eventually.

But I interrupted, "I'm sorry mother, but I have to say this. I discussed with younger brother about you and dad."

My mum got agitated. "You kids don't understand the difficulties we are facing, you should not judge us by our actions."

"But mum, wait... That's not what I meant... I was trying to convey..."

Before I could finished my sentence, I could feel that my mum was hurt. But I had no intention to upset her. I was trying to convey that Mum cares a lot about Dad, and Dad is also concerned about Mum. But at certain situation, Dad or Mum was doing something which seemed neutral. From the children's perspective, we have no idea how the bicker started, which sometimes escalated to fervent quarrel. Maybe I was wrong to use this example to help my brother understand that: when our state of mind isn't clear, the things we see will turn out distorted, and thus lead to misjudgment.

Since Mum was sad, I knew she couldn't listen calmly. I got frustrated. Deep down, I knew I shouldn't do that, but I couldn't control myself.

Since I was mad, neither could I pay attention to her. Like what I've mentioned, when I am seized by afflictions, the outside world I see will turn out distorted. My mum was trying to show her concern to me, but I responded callously.

"I'm coming over to Taiwan at the end of the month, do you need anything?"

"Track shoes."

"Do you need a bicycle?"

"No. I have been walking for the past three years, and this is my last year.."

My replied was indifferent -- no grateful word, no excitement. Poor Mum! It was like a blustery wind blowing into her heart. In return, I my heart was gutted with guilt! I'm an ingrate, I thought.

I often whine at Mum for the unsatisfactory. That is a great sin. Can I be more rational and sensible? Mum has done so much for me. Since the moment she got pregnant till now, she has never stopped doing her best to raise me up. Bringing up a child is tiring, and she brings up four. I should be more understanding, and give her a hand when she needs a break. Yet I have been taking her for granted like a wishing tree that have to fulfill all my wishes.

I stopped by Alexis website again, I read the earlier entries that were categorized under "Baby". I see mother's love in her. When she was expecting her baby, she began to research about pregnancy safe products, and the health of the baby is her prior concern. 

That reminds me of my mother during her pregnancy. She slipped and fell backwards on the hard ground, and the first thing that comes to her mind was my safety. There are many medicines that pregnant women can't take, because they would affect the baby. So it took a longer time for my mum to recover. The crack still remains on her skull! That's only one out of many examples that my mum sacrifice her life to protect me. There are too many examples. Every decision Mum makes, is for the sake of her children.

I must remind myself of her kindness more often, and I must manifest my gratitude towards her.

I'm sorry Mum. Thank you so much! <3

Define Happy

9 months ago, it was reported that "Singapore is not only emotionless but unhappy (the unhappiest in the world) as well." 9 months later, an article headline goes "Singapore the happiest nation in Asia: UN study."

I was wondering: why is there such a great different? How do they rate happiness?

Many news media reported about the former one. (20 Dec 2012)
WASHINGTON - Singaporeans are the least positive people in the world, according to international pollster Gallup at least.

Residents of Singapore, which ranks fifth in the world in terms of GDP per capita, were the least likely to report positive emotions. 

In contrast, residents of Panama, which ranks 90th in the world with respect to GDP per capita, are among the most likely to report positive emotions. 

Higher income does not necessarily mean higher wellbeing, researchers said.

And here goes the subheading for the latter report "SINGAPORE - If Singaporeans have any reason to smile, it's because their nation has moved up three places to be the 30th happiest country in the world."

The report, by the UN Sustainable Development Solutions Network, looked at six areas to determine why people in a country or territory are happier than those in others. They are: gross domestic product (GDP) per capita; years of healthy life expectancy; having someone to count on in times of trouble; perceptions of corruption; prevalence of generosity; and freedom to make life choices.

Dr Ng Wei Ting, a senior lecturer of SIM University's psychology programme, said various studies have shown a person's perception of happiness is associated with a country's GDP, and this pattern has similarly been observed in Singapore. 

"The fulfilment of these psychological needs is not only crucial to one's life evaluation, but is also central to one's positive and negative feelings," said Dr Ng."For instance, nations that are high in social support score higher in life evaluation, and the importance of social support even extends beyond wealth."

It is obvious that both reports are about Singaporeans' Happiness, but they are discussed under different circumstances. "Happiness" itself is profound. We can view it from many perspective. So no one is lying. How do you define happiness?

Our perceptions affects our happiness. I truly wish that everyone is happy!

Source: SGAG

Growing Up

I realized that I start blogging again. But I hope that it is not going to become part of my daily routine. I shall blog only when necessary in future. I'm getting busier as school is starting!

I started reading my OLD BLOG recently. I blog quite regularly during my middle school years. I see how emotional and contradicting I was in the past. 

I was wondering what were the ulterior motives behind blogging, besides finding somewhere to express myself? Let's figure it out!

I blog for the sake of blogging. Blogging was a trend in my secondary school life. My good friends blogged, so did I! We read each other's blog, and I usually got excited whenever I saw someone blogged about me, giving me compliments. Sometimes, I was just being nosy, instead of concerning my friends sincerely. Anyhow, I knew people read my blog too! And I was anticipating their comments. To be straight forward, I was seeking for attention.

I wrote about things I do, people I met, interesting conversations, my schedule, my emotions. Sometimes the entries were well elaborated, some were rather vague.

Some entries were made ambiguous deliberately, especially when I got a crush on someone, but I usually wouldn't admit it and keep it to myself, yet it drew the attention sometimes. I was enjoying the infatuation period at the beginning, getting excited when I interacted with that person. Sooner, there were disappointments, or misunderstanding, which resulted in external and internal cold wars. "Love" transformed into "hatred". "Excitements" turned into "frustrations". In the later entries, I denied that I had a crush on him, and started blasting him with sarcasm.

And I seemed so pretentious on other kind of posts too! On certain situations, I was really mad at my best friend. But I never admit my madness, trying to make myself sound so sympathetic in such situation. And I listed the people whom I met when I was down, and thanked them for being there. I was wondering... Was I thanking them sincerely, or deep down, I was showing off my social circles?

In topics I mentioned above, I see irony. As I was reading my entries, I really seemed so emotional. They evolved a disheartening atmosphere. Yet at the same time, I wrote that I am a happy person. Or do I have split personality? I was still naive, yet trying to act mature.

On the posts about my daily lives, I realized I spent most of my time in dance club. I was really enthusiastic about dance. Dance was my life!

To sum up today's topic, I learn to accept the ME in the past, though I laughed at myself for my silliness. All the reasons behind my behaviors were the same. Seeking for happiness. I used to build my happiness on others' attention.

Thank goodness, my life change ever since my spiritual teacher found me. Though I still have a lot of pending bad habits to be kicked away, but at least, I realized that they were in me, and I am kicking them away, one by one. :D

I hope the change in my life shall bring everyone and myself the true happiness!

On my way back from immigration agency.

Alone under the scorching sun.

Freshmen Orientation

I'm not sure if I am happy or sad now? Or a little mad? It is a complex mixture of emotion, I guess.
There are many reasons why I feel like crying today.

I am marching into my senior year. It's Freshmen Orientation today! The student council organized Club Exhibition for the freshmen, whereby all the clubs in the school set up booths to promote (or rather advertise) our clubs, introducing our clubs to the freshmen. I am in the Bliss and Wisdom Club. I am the president of the club this year.

For four years, I have been staying in this club. I firmly believe that this club is really meaningful. It makes big significance in my days in university, or rather eternal impacts in my life. We promote the importance healthy lifestyle, environment protection, and spiritual learning. We inculcate the values of going vegetarian, going organic, tree plantations, which are something we could do together to save the Earth. We also learn how to show our appreciation to others' kindness, and return our gratitude by manifestations. We learn to be more sincere towards everyone. We learn how to set a higher goal in our lives. Little actions we do, little improvements we make, they bring us and others greater happiness. Perhaps we have different interest, for example, some of us like music, while some like photography, whereas some like interacting with people, but with the same goal, we can progress together as one.  But spiritual progress is intangible. And thus, our club is not that attractive compare to others (like Rock Band, Guitar Ensemble, Hot Dance, Cosplay.)

I had a hard time this year.

There were so many administrative preparations we have to complete before hand. We gathered some executive committee members for discussion at two days before the exhibition. We complete our advertising flyer the night before the actual day.

Having insufficient manpower on the actual day was a great challenge. It was not the situation that most of were reluctant to contribute. The exhibition coincidentally clashed with their plans. Most graduates are not in Taipei, and most of our members, especially the sophomores and juniors, had something else scheduled today. Some had practicum, some had badminton training, some had other lessons, some are overseas, some have yet return to Taipei. So only two of the members were available today.

Was it my Karma? Maybe I was too reluctant or even refused to help others when they need help in the past. Or there is something I should learn at such situation? Is it the opportunity to transcend? Is it the time that I should learn how to seek for help from the Magnificent one?

I was very anxious.

I called for help. My helped was answered. Teachers and friends from our partner school came over to help despite their tight schedule. My roommate gave me her big hand too! They couldn't stay long, but the help they offer melted my anxiety. It is always great to have someone there for you upon facing big challenge! I am more than grateful come to think of them. We set our booth under the scorching sun. My teachers kept encourage me that it's a great time to accumulate merits. They reminded me that I should put the focus on contemplating why should I stay in this club. Am I convinced that this club really brings many benefits to me, and has contributed much to my improvements? I must convinced myself before persuading others! And it is not about how many people visited our booth, it is about whether I am giving my concerns to the freshmen with my utmost sincerity while distributing the flyers. These are always inspiring, even though my teachers repeated them every year.

The exhibition was delayed, and many helpers had to leave before it started. My anxiety returned. But once again, I tried telling myself that I should put my focus on the right mindset. So I tried amending my thoughts.

The exhibition was about to commence. Some booths started playing blasting musics, while some started cheering. Many booths were well decorated with attractive sign boards. We have signboards too, but they weren't as striking as others. We had cheers too, but not as loud as others.

The freshmen came down from the hall in groups, heading towards the exhibition venue, like water flowing out nonstop from the building. I was standing by the stairways, be the first to distribute the flyers. I was sending my earnest regards to each freshman who bypass me, regardless they receive my flyers or not. Some of them are shy. Soon, the exhibition was packed with people. I returned to the booth when the crowd had already shifted to the "exhibition hall". Some booths designed exciting games, which drew the attention of the freshmen. When I arrived my booth, it seemed so quite. It was not crowded at all. Some people freshmen came to our booth, but not many stop by automatically. Most of them came because we invited them. I tried reminding myself the main purpose of holding the exhibition which I was reminded earlier.

People are seeking a suitable position for themselves in the diversify college life. Most of them might think that it is the start of their freedom. They want to do something thrilling that they can never experience outside college life. It is understandable. And I am not against the idea that youth should be zestful. In fact vitality is important. Youth is the golden period of learning. We have ample of energy, and we should spend them wisely. Deep down, I really wish that they can get some benefits from our club. I really want to share my happiness with them. Because these happiness are real, they never die.

I see my own shadow in these freshmen. Back in my teens, I used to seek for something dynamic too! I spent most of the time in dance, and socializing with people. It was my life, I thought. I was enjoying the stage, I was enjoying the limelight, I was enjoying the applause. I like to be in the costumes and make ups. I was mesmerized in the light of fame. I do something that is popular. I followed the social mainstream. But at the end of every performance, I felt empty rather than enriching. I wonder if other feel the same? I didn't know how to face the emptiness at first. I tried to refill it by continue dancing at first. But I am never satisfied.

Fortunately, I met my spiritual teacher. He taught me that true happiness doesn't come from materialistic achievements. It is like drinking sea water, which can never quench our thirst. He told me that true happiness come from spiritual growth. Spiritual growth is about the growth of wisdom and compassion, as well as courage. That is true. In eight years of learning, I really changed a lot. I get to know myself more. I get agitated less easily than before, and I am cutting down my greed, and I am more willing to help others.

Spiritual journey is a long run, we don't change overnight, but we are improving consistently. It is much faster and easier to observe one's technical and academical achievements. But those achievements are tools that we can make use of, shouldn't be mistaken as our goal. The social values are now misleading. Many people think the other way round. That's why I sincerely wish that people, especially the youth, can attain the true and long-term happiness.

Helping them is a long run too. I shouldn't expect an immediate effect from the little effort I have made. Right now, I am really touched by my spiritual teachers, as well as the sages and noble men. They are really patient along the journey of enlightening us. I think I am someone with great ignorant. They must have waited for me for thousands of lives, they have been by my side, putting a lot of effort to awaken me and all sentient beings.  My teacher also sees hope in us, and he is merrier than anyone else whenever we have some progress. Thinking about them, I feel grateful. They are my role models. So I shall be happy that I am following their path. I should not belittle every actions I did today. I just sowed the seeds today. Next, I have to continue watering the plants, supplying it with enough sunlight and nutrients. One day, the plants would blossom, and the fruit would ripe. Right now, I should affirm my believe in Karma I am creating! Right?

Once again, thank you so much for all those who have helped today. Have a great day!

Summer comes to an end, School gonna start soon!

Reviewing my summer, what have I exactly done?

1. Volunteering in school (Educational Park, to be specific), sort of like practicum. I learned more about Caring Education. It is not just an ideology or philosophy! I see the teachers practicing it in their daily lives!
2. Having some spiritual retreat, affirming what I really want in my life.
3. Going back to Singapore, volunteering again, most of the time. I did meet up with some old friends, and visited my teachers as well. I did spend more quality time with my family than before. Though I was back in Singapore, I was still busy settling some Taiwan related work. I was really hectic. But the people who made me feel heart warming when I was back in Singapore, were the group of friends, who are now the graduates from the same high school as me. We were facing the same situation together, and it is always great to have someone who really understand you.
4. Back in Taiwan again. I went volunteering, again, in a youth camp, as public relations this time round. I get to know outstanding students from other universities in Taiwan. It is spiritual uplifting, I thought. I am really happy!
5. I went back to Educational Park before my school starts. The teachers are awesome! Actually, I brought some negative thoughts and emotions back from Singapore. I knew I was wrong, and my soul certainly needed some treatment. So I eventually went back to school. I was expecting some harsh exhortation from teachers. But surprisingly, no. They didn't blame me for my faults. Instead, the teachers were trying to educate me in all situations, giving me the right cognition, or they, themselves, set great examples for me to learn from.

Once again, thank you so much for those who have contributed during my summer vacation.

Inspiration from Alexis Neiers

I had never heard about Alexis Neiers before. It was a coincidence that I happened to stumble upon her blog.

I am not the fan of any celebrities. Neither do I have the habit of following American news. I But I do follow certain celebrities. I follow them because I am attracted to their philosophy, rather than their appearance, or their performance. I started following Emma Watson 2 years ago, when I came across her interviews. I don't know much about her actually. What I only know was about her as a lead actress in Harry Potter. And she is modelling for People Tree, a fair trade company which sells clothes made of organic cottons. Though I read about her from limited sources, I could tell that she is not superficial.

Emma Watson is not the main person I'm going to discuss about here. But she was the one who leads me to know about Alexis Neiers. As the movie "The Bling Ring", which Emma is starring in, is now on cinema. I watched the trailer and then watched Emma's interview on playing the role Nicki in The Bling Ring. I had no idea what the whole story is about. The plot seems quite ridiculous to me, because I could not relate such situation in real life due to different cultural background.

First I typed "Bling Ring" in wikipedia. It eventually took me to the real criminal case on Bling Ring, instead of bringing me to the film. I was puzzled at first. Then I found the link to the film, and I learned that Nicki's character is based on Alexis Neiers. But that was the fictionalize version. Out of curiosity, I did some research about Alexis, and I found her on twitter. I saw her retweeted Dalai Lama's tweets. That made me grew more interest to know more about her. So I read about her on her website.

Alexis is someone around my age. She had undergone some sorrowful experience during her childhood and her teens. I am not going to be specific or elaborate on that. Some people label her as a "bad child" for the mistakes she had done. But her story inspires me somehow. Her life changed. And the change is because someone is willing to guide her through step by step, transforming her from a drug addict to sobriety. Alexis is courageous upon facing the mistakes she made in the past, and she has turned over a new leaf. What's more, she is willing to help people who are undergoing the same problems as she encountered in the past. I really admire that. What's more, her change gives us, the educators, the confidence that there is always hope. Every soul has the ability to be kind. There is no bad kid in this world. It is responsible for us, the educators, be it teachers or parents, to imbue ourselves with wisdom and compassion. With wisdom and compassion, we can lead every soul to brightness from the darkest end. We need to have courage, to encourage others!

I am glad that I have such teacher in my life. I used to be an aggressive, bad-tempered child, yet live in vanity. I used to be a hypocrite with tremendous ego. I was an ungrateful child, who often live in vexations and jealousy. I'm glad that my spiritual teacher is willing to take me as his disciple, and always there to guide me through, and setting me free from the sufferings in all his actions, all his words, and all his thoughts. :) Alexis' case reminded me about my teacher. Thank you Alexis. :)

Impermanence

I was devastated upon hearing the death of Mr Bey's death. It is too abrupt, I was unprepared!

I know his son, who is a very bright boy. He got to be strong to face this!

Death, it is inevitable. No one can escape from death. But many people don't really want to face this topic directly.
http://www.straitstimes.com/breaking-news/singapore/story/singapore-photographer-dies-nepal-his-sleep-20130502

Inspiration from the Undelivered Letter

I was so busy after I came back to Taiwan that I didn't even have time to unpack my luggage until recently. I was quite down too. I happened to come across this letter I wrote during my summer vacation for my friend. My grandpa passed away too suddenly that I couldn't get to deliver it. I read the letter again. It inspires me somehow. So here goes the letter:

Dear Stella

I'm really glad to receive your letter, seeing your spiritual growth. My dad read the letter too! He said that he had forgotten what he told you the other day, yet you etched his words deeply in your heart. :) Stella! It's my honour to have such friend!

You told me about the tribulation you encountered the other day. I've been thinking about it. Yea, life is a long run. It's really inevitable to encounter situations that we abhor, especially with different kinds of people around us. I had undergone similar experiences too. :) I believe that you have the potential to overcome it.

Yes, I understand how it feels like when people around you care for themselves -- what we called "selfish". Loneliness gutted my heart and eventually, I began to indulge in self-pity. The "angel" and "devil" struck a battle.

"Hey! They're so brusque... Caustic! They hurt me!" claimed the devil.

"Come on! No one is perfect. I've shortcomings too", argued the angel.

"They threw tantrum as they want! They only talked to me when they need me! What a bunch of ingrates!" the devil convinced.

"No one wants to be unhappy! Why am I destructing my own happiness with anger? Chill!"

The battle went on and on. The devil wanted to persuade me that I'm right to feel sorry for myself, whereas the angel was refraining me from plunging deeply into the mere. Most of the time, devil's standpoint sounds mellifluous to ears. Despite being bombarded by the devil for umpteenth time, the angel refused to surrender. Finally, it got the most powerful weapon.

"Try to think about somebody in my life, who never gives up on me. Somebody who is willing to accept me for who I am, like the most precious jewel on Earth, even though I labelled myself as "incorrigible". Somebody whi us willing to give me happiness, despite being hurt by me for countless times."

It was so rhetoric! The afflictions soon melted and sublime. Of course, the angel triumph over the devil! All these internal conflicts were tiring, but worthy! :D

There is always "somebody" in my life, imbue with wisdom and compassion, who cares for me at all times. He gives me courage to face adversity, the wisdom to overcome hurdle. He's my spiritual teacher-- The Buddha. :)

He pointed out the values in me which I never realized. I began to realize these values in myself. Upon these realizations, I believe that I can see the values of others as well. I began to realize that all my inner destructions are caused by my wrong reactions. I found myself silly at times! Why am I torturing myself with unnecessary anger? Don't I want to me happy?

It's really not easy to seek for their merits at first. It's like sniffing a pile of garbage, hypnotizing my self that "it smells great". I'm just lying to myself. I had been through a tiring stage of observations, trying to find flowers and diamonds in them. This is especially challenging when I'm deluded by their shortcomings. Throughout the process, I did find gems in them, but not all yet!

I happened to learn that things weren't as bad as I imagined. I took initiative to show concern for them as how my spiritual teacher care for me. Perhaps some of their responses might be indifferent or discouraging, but I believe that my spiritual teacher is right by my side, giving me his fullest support. These people are blessings in disguise! They gave me an opportunity to relinquish my negative feelings, vanquishing the demons in my heart, most importantly, to be a step closer to my spiritual teacher. Aren't they great? They broaden my mind! Good qualites are inculcated throughout the journey. Shouldn't I be grateful and treat them much sincerely than before? :) I believe in Karma, I believe that they are my mirror. A change of thought changes the whole senario.

Along the journey, I found awesome people around me. They possess good qualites which I can learn from them with humility and deserve respect. I do feel honoured to have wonderful people around me. You are wonderful too, Stella! :D They are human beings, just like me. They are sentient beings, they want happiness too.

Thank you so much for your patience for reading such lengthy letter. Those are just my little experience in life. I'm sharing them with you because I believe that you have the potential to share your affections with people around you. You have the right to be happy. I believe that you can overcome all the loneliness and sorrow. Most importantly, I'll send you my best regards. Buddha loves you, like He loves anyone else. His love is unconditional and eternal. He loves you as though you are His only child. :)

Anyway, I come across this quote today. The quote which I copied three years ago and I don't remember the source of the quote:

"Effort is in the way of the world. So long as I'm in this world with an ounce of strength left, I will try and try, even in mid-ocean with no shore can be seen."

Isn't it encouraging? I love this quote. It gives me motivation. All the best in embracing your dream. Don't worry about taking a longer path than others to reach your destiny. Enjoy the scenary along the journey. Believe that there is no such thing as failure. Every "failure" are actually milestone that takes you a step closer to success! Do something that you never regret when you look back your life.

No matter where I am, we're always friends. You are not alone! Most importantly, thank you so much for supporting me and keeping my secret for me. :)

Take care and stay happy always.

The most sincere regards

Miss Thousand

19 August 2011

Thank You Randy Pausch

I finally settled down and listen to Randy Pausch’s “The Last Lecture”. Yu Xuan introduced me the book but I didn’t really read it, until recently, I have starting doing my English project. The head fake is more important then succeeding. Here are some quotes by Randy that inspired me. (:

“It’s not about how to achieve your dreams. It’s about how to lead your life. If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you.”

"The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out; the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. The brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough. They are there to stop the other people!"

“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand. If I don't seem as depressed or morose as I should be, I'm sorry to disappoint you.”

“Have something to bring to the table, because that will make you more welcomed.”

“When you see yourself doing
something badly and nobody’s bothering to tell you anymore, that’s a very bad place to be. Your
critics are your ones telling you they still love you and care.”

“experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.”

“Wait long enough and people will surprise and impress you.”

“It's very important to know when you're in a pissing match. And it's very important to get out of it as quickly as possible.”

“when you’re pissed off at somebody and you’re
angry at them, you just haven’t given them enough time. Just give them a little more time and they’ll almost always impress you.”

“If you’re going to do anything that pioneering you will get those arrows in the back, and you just have to put up with it. I mean everything that could go wrong did go wrong. But at the end of the day, a whole lot of people had a whole lot of fun. When you’ve had something for ten years that you hold so precious, it’s the toughest thing in the world to hand it over. And the only advice I can give you is, find somebody better than you to hand it to.”

“The best way to teach somebody something is to have them think they're learning something else.”

“it’s such a shame that people perceive you as so arrogant. Because it’s going to limit what you’re going to be able to accomplish in life.”

“How do you get people to help you? You can’t get there alone. People have to help you and I do believe in karma. I believe in paybacks. You get people to help you by telling the truth. Being earnest. I’ll take an earnest person over a hip person every day, because hip is short term. Earnest is long term.”

“Apologize when you screw up and focus on other people, not on yourself.”

“Get a feedback loop and listen to it. Your feedback loop can be this dorky spreadsheet thing I did, or it can just be one great man who tells you what you need to hear. The hard part is the listening to it.”

“When people give you feedback, cherish it and use it.”

“Show gratitude.”

“Don’t complain. Just work harder.”

“Be good at something, it makes you valuable.”

“Work hard.”

“Find the best in everybody.”

“You have to wait a long time, sometimes years, but people will show you their good side. Just keep waiting no matter how long it takes. No one is all evil. Everybody has a good side, just keep waiting, it will come out.”

“Never lose the child-like wonder. It's just too important. It's what drives us.”

“You get people to help you by telling the truth; by being earnest. I'll take an earnest person over a hip person every day, because hip is short-term, earnest is long term.”

“And be prepared. Luck is truly where preparation meets opportunity.”

“Do not tell people how to live their lives. Just tell them stories. And they will figure out how those stories apply to them.”

“Treat the Disease, Not the Symptom.”

All these quotes sounds simple, but they didn’t come by so easily. These were lessons learnt from Randy’s life experience.

Creations

Most college students in Taiwan are having their midterm exams these days. I miss those days back in BWEP, where we all study together and held everyone hand in hand along the way, vanquishing all the barriers we encounter together. We pray together before the exams, during the exams. Everything is so different outside. It’s time to create the atmosphere.

吃飯 感恩

在外面過日子，三餐能夠填飽肚子就好了～真感謝園區廚房的老師，也很想念媽媽．．．有他們在，三餐不用苦惱要吃些什麼．這段日子，我很感謝胡純老師常常想著我，很多乾糧都是她幫我準備好．當我不想吃外面的，至少家裡有東西可以煮．自從秀鳳老師住進來以後，她煮了很好吃的火鍋，冰箱裡也多了很多菜！也很感謝奕萱老師煮湯給我喝！還有其他室友們買卡帛麵包或 o'life 時，也會想到要幫我買一份！

送你燦爛的微笑

我有好幾天沒打電話回家了。相信爸爸媽媽一定很牽掛！我也很牽掛著他們。我真的很想念爸爸媽媽。（當妹妹聽到這句話，她一定會很高興！）我想告訴爸爸媽媽：別擔心我。我想要送爸爸媽媽一副溫暖的笑容、燦爛的笑容。這燦爛的笑容背後涵蓋著對他們的感恩，還有我想送給他們這份溫暖的回饋。師父一直在我心中綻放出溫婉的笑意，充滿圓滿的慈悲與智慧。我想把心中的那一份愉悅送給爸爸媽媽，希望他們天天快樂，希望他們可以安安心心的過日子。

師父：請您幫我把這副笑容寄給爸爸媽媽。

爸爸媽媽：您收到了嗎？

這是省思嗎？

昨晚，我做了一場夢。這場夢或許聽起來很不吉祥，或許只是一場夢，可是對我的生命而言，它是個醒鐘…

在夢裡，我哥哥的一位同行善友很意外的往生了…在現實生活中的不久以前，我才剛抱怨他。（在夢裡我當然虛實部分啦！）當時我感到非常的慌張。我不曉得他接下來會到什麼地方。很多人都很想念他。他的facebook的帳號還存在，可是已經毫無動靜了，上面再也沒有新增的觀功念恩、智慧小語了。很多人都在等待著奇蹟，不願相信他已經不在了。可是人已經走了，那些東西是不能一起帶走的。一直到我去弔唁，我才相信。同時，我也很莫名其妙地告知我是在場中下一個會死掉的人。他說，他無法告訴我那是什麼時候會發生的事。

夢中的當下，我腦海中現起曾玉芬師姐──生死無懼──在病重的狀態下，仍然毫無畏懼，不斷的去行善，種下正因，毫無怨言……我有本事做到嗎？「生死無懼，你與我們在一起。」我相信嗎？

在得知自己不久以後快死亡的消息後，很多逆境接二連三的發生。（自從我正式上大學以後，我再也沒有遇到再強大的苦境了！）種種苦頭一時之間擺在我眼前──跟爸爸媽媽起大衝突、兄弟姊妹之間起忌妒比較的心、被老師大聲辱罵、被同學潑冷水、起爭執、以前種種的用心被否定，被誤會，被批評等……當下苦嗎？當然苦！

孤獨的靈魂，可曾聽見那深情的呼喚？苦澀的夜晚，可曾發覺那永恆的陪伴？很特別的是，在遇到種種逆境過程中，在孤單絕望的心境下，如英法師的法音偶然在我耳畔響起。「你喜歡自己嗎？」欸？對了！死的那一刻，我還是得陪伴著自己。我最好在死亡之前好好檢討這個問題！最起碼，我在這最後幾天可以走得輕鬆一點！

在現實生活中，我常常活在別人的想法裡，別人的掌聲裡。說我的笑容很有自信嗎？當我開始被人否定時，當別人指出我無法面對的缺點時，我常常開始慌亂，常常會想辦法急著想要改。當我沒有聽到屬於我的掌聲時，我會開始懷疑自己：有是不是哪裡做不好嗎？我的自信都是建立在這些外在的東西上。在夢境中當然更是如此。

回到當時的夢境，在每一個時刻，我的心居然現起：這是我開始改變的起點。這是在我遇到困難中學習去發現自己身上的美的時刻。這是我學習區放下我心中的大石頭的時刻。這是我在死亡之前為我的信心找穩當出路的時刻。法師的聲音再次在我耳畔中響起：「人的信心從何而來？從智慧中觀察出來。」

一次又一次遭遇自己不喜歡，不願意去面對的境界：自己明明很努力，爸爸媽媽大聲喝責我，說我沒進步；我耍賴了，不想為爸爸慶生；爸爸嚴厲阻擋我追尋遠大的夢想；老師在未了解事情緣起的狀況下指責我；身體不舒服，跟同學合作是配合得不好，便下結論說我什麼都不會；當我想伸出援手時，被人拒絕；我無緣無故被臭罵一頓；大家說我愛找藉口…看起來似乎很委屈，可是這是考驗我到底喜不喜歡自己的時候。原本這些境界以往會打擊我對自己的信心，不過，在此時此刻，我看到一道光芒。一個情切，和藹可親，面善的人突然出現在我面前。他那溫婉的笑意似乎融化了我心中的種種冰冷、憂傷、絕望…他跟我說：「這個是你在遇到困難中學習去看到希望希望的最佳時刻！」他的笑容非常燦爛！他笑起來比我還有信心，他相信我可以跨得過去。那時，我立刻破涕為笑！

這一生結束後，還有下一生。在這一生結束前可以突破這些真是太殊勝了！在漫長的人生中，我慢慢調適我的步調，希望越走心情也輕鬆。

再換了一個畫面…在那個地方，我遇到我這一生中曾經遇過的人。我的家人、親戚、朋友等都在場。那時，我變得跟珍惜和他們相處的日子，沒有什麼好抱怨，沒有什麼好討厭得了。在每做一件事情的當下，我會問問自己，我死亡的那一刻，我會滿意嗎？

回饋這場夢：真是太驚人了！在夢中我居然能想起如英法是昨晚演講的內容。不管這場夢是真是假，不管我想不相信這場夢，最珍貴的是：我在這場夢中有學到法。這或許是師父要透過這場夢傳達給我的訊息。

法師演講回饋：哇！我終於了解到對自己有信心是在修依止法。發現外在的美是從發現自己心中的美開始的。而自己身上的美，心中的美是師父栽培的！我常常在忙，給自己高標準去忙，常常忙得很喘，對自己的成果沒有很滿意。可是聽到別人的讚賞，心裡頭好舒服。別人否定我，我跟是自責。其實，我沒想到否定我的人是自己！

我常常鼓勵別人要看自己的努力，自己的堅持，收穫歡喜心。可是我往往忘記了自己，忘記那顆需要被滋潤的心。我今天還能活著，大概是在我忽略那顆心，忘記要照顧它的時候，很多人都在幫我照顧它。很謝謝大家！

「把自己調整好，再幫助別人，說的話才是發自於內心。」「把愉悅的心放出光芒，給別人帶來希望！」讚!其實…等等！我覺得在某些程度上袁千詠是有自信的，沒有自己說的那麼悽慘！因為我很隨喜自己身上有師父送我的這個。單憑這個，我可以輕鬆自在的在路上行走，不太需要打扮。同學說我的微笑很燦爛，雖然我笑起來沒有師父、法王、法師們、學長們、郭主任等燦爛，但我敢保證說，我的笑容來自於師父所給我的寶！這寶包含所有一切！對於自己的缺點哩，我就要學習歡喜自在地接受！

我好久沒有在校園裡聽法師開示了！我真的很懷念。法師說的話讓我想起如願法師。他常常說：「學會了就是以百分！」還有緣路法師常常說：「最重要的是在過程中有沒有造善業。」好想念，好懷念！還有很多很多……昨天，真的非常珍貴。

I love Steve Jobs

I think Steve Jobs is some sages in disguise, even though he started up an Apple Company instead of going around preaching people. He taught us the value of life through his own experience!

“Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

“The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything.”

“I’m pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

“No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.”

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Even though Steve Jobs never graduated from college, he managed to succeed and come out with inspiring reflections of his own life. Every adversity we encounter in our lives are actually our turning point, a jumping board to succeed! Thank you so much Mr Jobs!

This is good for me

Others' opinions of us are useful for reference
because as long as we are unenlightened,
our self-reflections are never fully adequate.

Yet, our opinions of others
are never fully adequate either,
as long as we are unenlightened.

- Stonepeace

「按」藏不住心中的愛

王年珠老師真是一個非常親切的阿姨。今天，她來到了國北為師大校群上社課。

在她身上可以挖到很多寶。而且從她的講座中，大家都可以感受到她的那一份熱情，那一份真誠。她真的很關心大家的學習和健康。

今天，在她的課程中，我不僅舒展了肌肉、筋骨，也舒展了心情！身體舒暢，心情愉快；心情愉快，學習順利！我的心打開過後，柔軟度超越原本的侷限。太棒了！