Mother Love

I made a big mistake last night. And it wasn't the first time.

I was rude to Mum again. We were on the phone. Yes, overseas call. She was telling me about her worries. She mentioned certain books she read that inspired her that we should stop talking bad about Dad at his back, at the mean time we should appreciate him in order to overturn our fate. Yes, I agree with my mum eventually.

But I interrupted, "I'm sorry mother, but I have to say this. I discussed with younger brother about you and dad."

My mum got agitated. "You kids don't understand the difficulties we are facing, you should not judge us by our actions."

"But mum, wait... That's not what I meant... I was trying to convey..."

Before I could finished my sentence, I could feel that my mum was hurt. But I had no intention to upset her. I was trying to convey that Mum cares a lot about Dad, and Dad is also concerned about Mum. But at certain situation, Dad or Mum was doing something which seemed neutral. From the children's perspective, we have no idea how the bicker started, which sometimes escalated to fervent quarrel. Maybe I was wrong to use this example to help my brother understand that: when our state of mind isn't clear, the things we see will turn out distorted, and thus lead to misjudgment.

Since Mum was sad, I knew she couldn't listen calmly. I got frustrated. Deep down, I knew I shouldn't do that, but I couldn't control myself.

Since I was mad, neither could I pay attention to her. Like what I've mentioned, when I am seized by afflictions, the outside world I see will turn out distorted. My mum was trying to show her concern to me, but I responded callously.

"I'm coming over to Taiwan at the end of the month, do you need anything?"

"Track shoes."

"Do you need a bicycle?"

"No. I have been walking for the past three years, and this is my last year.."

My replied was indifferent -- no grateful word, no excitement. Poor Mum! It was like a blustery wind blowing into her heart. In return, I my heart was gutted with guilt! I'm an ingrate, I thought.

I often whine at Mum for the unsatisfactory. That is a great sin. Can I be more rational and sensible? Mum has done so much for me. Since the moment she got pregnant till now, she has never stopped doing her best to raise me up. Bringing up a child is tiring, and she brings up four. I should be more understanding, and give her a hand when she needs a break. Yet I have been taking her for granted like a wishing tree that have to fulfill all my wishes.

I stopped by Alexis website again, I read the earlier entries that were categorized under "Baby". I see mother's love in her. When she was expecting her baby, she began to research about pregnancy safe products, and the health of the baby is her prior concern. 

That reminds me of my mother during her pregnancy. She slipped and fell backwards on the hard ground, and the first thing that comes to her mind was my safety. There are many medicines that pregnant women can't take, because they would affect the baby. So it took a longer time for my mum to recover. The crack still remains on her skull! That's only one out of many examples that my mum sacrifice her life to protect me. There are too many examples. Every decision Mum makes, is for the sake of her children.

I must remind myself of her kindness more often, and I must manifest my gratitude towards her.

I'm sorry Mum. Thank you so much! <3

Inspiration from Alexis Neiers

I had never heard about Alexis Neiers before. It was a coincidence that I happened to stumble upon her blog.

I am not the fan of any celebrities. Neither do I have the habit of following American news. I But I do follow certain celebrities. I follow them because I am attracted to their philosophy, rather than their appearance, or their performance. I started following Emma Watson 2 years ago, when I came across her interviews. I don't know much about her actually. What I only know was about her as a lead actress in Harry Potter. And she is modelling for People Tree, a fair trade company which sells clothes made of organic cottons. Though I read about her from limited sources, I could tell that she is not superficial.

Emma Watson is not the main person I'm going to discuss about here. But she was the one who leads me to know about Alexis Neiers. As the movie "The Bling Ring", which Emma is starring in, is now on cinema. I watched the trailer and then watched Emma's interview on playing the role Nicki in The Bling Ring. I had no idea what the whole story is about. The plot seems quite ridiculous to me, because I could not relate such situation in real life due to different cultural background.

First I typed "Bling Ring" in wikipedia. It eventually took me to the real criminal case on Bling Ring, instead of bringing me to the film. I was puzzled at first. Then I found the link to the film, and I learned that Nicki's character is based on Alexis Neiers. But that was the fictionalize version. Out of curiosity, I did some research about Alexis, and I found her on twitter. I saw her retweeted Dalai Lama's tweets. That made me grew more interest to know more about her. So I read about her on her website.

Alexis is someone around my age. She had undergone some sorrowful experience during her childhood and her teens. I am not going to be specific or elaborate on that. Some people label her as a "bad child" for the mistakes she had done. But her story inspires me somehow. Her life changed. And the change is because someone is willing to guide her through step by step, transforming her from a drug addict to sobriety. Alexis is courageous upon facing the mistakes she made in the past, and she has turned over a new leaf. What's more, she is willing to help people who are undergoing the same problems as she encountered in the past. I really admire that. What's more, her change gives us, the educators, the confidence that there is always hope. Every soul has the ability to be kind. There is no bad kid in this world. It is responsible for us, the educators, be it teachers or parents, to imbue ourselves with wisdom and compassion. With wisdom and compassion, we can lead every soul to brightness from the darkest end. We need to have courage, to encourage others!

I am glad that I have such teacher in my life. I used to be an aggressive, bad-tempered child, yet live in vanity. I used to be a hypocrite with tremendous ego. I was an ungrateful child, who often live in vexations and jealousy. I'm glad that my spiritual teacher is willing to take me as his disciple, and always there to guide me through, and setting me free from the sufferings in all his actions, all his words, and all his thoughts. :) Alexis' case reminded me about my teacher. Thank you Alexis. :)